Confidence – Quietly Powerful

Do you worry about being put on the spot?…

I still remember the time when I went blank when asked a question in a group of senior leaders. It was supposed to be an informal roundtable discussion but I felt the need to make an impression as it was an opportunity for me to share some different perspectives. It was an engaging conversation where I really wanted to contribute and I had thought about some of the ideas to share.

An interesting question got asked and I was invited to comment. I thought of a few things to say and started to share. By the time I finished my first point, I couldn’t remember the second point I was going to make! I can’t even remember what the question was now, I must have really gone blank!

Not comfortable with power?

While continuing to interview incredible leaders for the Quietly Powerful Leader interview series, a few shared their discomfort with being called Quietly Powerful, in particular, ‘powerful’. They were happy to be called ‘influential’ or ‘confident’ but not ‘powerful’.

I have also come across senior leaders who underestimate or downplay the power they actually have. Perhaps they feel powerless at times when they feel they are not in control or they don’t really know what is going on in organisations.

Have your inner voices taken over the driver’s seat?

And where are they taking you? To dark places you don’t want to be, where you feel anxious, afraid and small? Or to places where there seems to be big thick walls and ceilings to keep you locked up? Or to places where you feel frustrated and annoyed with yourself, that you can’t reach your own standards? Or to places where positive voices are drowned, belittled or mocked?

7 ways a manager can crush team members’ confidence…

Speaking to a senior executive recently, he told me about a change he saw in a team member he ‘inherited’. He described how this team member had shifted from being pretty much mute, with no opinions of their own, waiting for instructions and lacking initiative to being quite feisty, unafraid to express their views and showing passion for their work. Discussing what had happened and exploring our own experiences, we saw a few common things managers do which crush team members’ confidence and ability to speak up and contribute.

The dangers of leaders who appear confident but are…

Lately I have had many coaching sessions and conversations around aspiring leaders who wish to be more confident. Many have been told to ‘be more confident’, which is unhelpful (see Don’t tell me to ‘be more confident’). Others have been told that they appear confident but don’t feel so confident inside. I am excited to be working with these people as they are aware of and open to the need to develop their inner confidence.

Confidence is NOT the answer

At least it’s not the first thing you need.

I had a lot of engagement on my recent article Don’t tell me to “Be more confident” and enjoyed the input from various people. One in particular got me thinking.

Don’t tell me to “Be more confident”

…Because that doesn’t help me to become confident. In fact, it’s telling me that I’m not confident enough to be good enough, which makes me feel even worse and less confident. I know you mean well, but there are other things you can do instead.